The Final Word
by Servant of Fire
Summary: "What I'm asking him, in essence, is to live" The R-fall told from Sherlock's pov.


**The Final Word~**

I find that I'm dying, and in my last moments, what do I say? Oh, the problem of words! I have so much I want to tell him, things I wish I had done better, explanations I should have given. If only I had been more man than machine, maybe the hand I'm stretching towards him could have reached,and instead of being as cold as the hand of the Angel of Death, I could have been like the Seder cloud,and God would save him by my blood I shall soon spread on the sidewalk.

And I find my last words are a prayer, and he won't catch it. "Just do as I ask..."I still hear the sting of my own voice in my ears that are drowing in the pounding of my heart.I have no guarantee that I'm going to make it, for I know that even the best laid plans, can still go very wrong. And this-all of this- is SO very wrong, but if I don't , he will die, and I can't let him die. What I am asking him in essence, is to live. Because he has no idea that there is a rifle trained to his head, or that he could drop like a fly in the wind of famine, and it would be sooner than he could blink. This quickness, this abrupt end to a life, is what bothers me the most, because I have traded mine for his , and I can see so clearly now the evidence of my failures, as if my life was a crime scene, as if by my plan, I am covering my tracks, and what I am doing is ultimately a damnable offense. Guilt burns my stomach, and love makes my bones gnash at the very soul of me, teething on my concious, wishing only for one more day to make it right. Pleading with me to take council with my heart, to know that I don't have to do this. But my head has always been the strongest of my members, always will be. If I survive, I can come back to him. This gives me hope and dread all at once, for it will never be the same. In one sense or another, and perhaps in every way, I will die today. My name, my legacy, my reputation, all that seperated the man from the great machine of his mind, it must die today. And if my body is a casuality of my fall, this will only be an act of mercy. A greater death I die. I must. Love is the most vicious of motivators on earth as it is in heaven, and in hell below. Below me is both heaven and hell, and I find I can choose them both.

For there stands John. Trying to talk me out of this... I wish that it were only so easy as to listen to him. To come down to him, let him beat the sense he spoke into me out of me again,for such a stupid thing as I am doing. My hand is stretched out now, in the moment that my heart speaks all of this, that you are reading. He stretches his hand towards mine. And between us, there lies Death. The divider of our souls, the invisble chasm that keeps him from rising up to me, and keeps me from going down to him.

And I know now what I have to say. The sacrifice I have to make is him. He must live.

Never have I loved like this. I didn't know such a thing could exist. If I could describe it to you, I would tell you that I'd rather just cease to exist, alive or dead, so that he could live. I'd rather roast in hell ,forever, than his time on earth should be cut a single moment short.

He was my only friend, the Light of my eyes.

Oh I die, John,..Goodnight, sweet prince, and the angels take your side, and maybe you can rest in peace. I shall not be there, I shall rise and pass. I shall take my breath, and light it on fire, I shall burn with every flame of hate,of wrath, of destruction in the soul of this City, in all the leauges of this Chasm between us. I am never coming back, John. Or if I do, it will not be the man I was. No,today the heart will be burned from me, the soul quailing in my bones, gasping for breath in my breathless lips, will be swallowed up in the fire I give myself to. All for you, John. You were not mine to keep, but I am yours to give away..

With one last gasp, I quiet my heart. I tell my bones to cease their troubling, they will be rid of the weight of the love that was too strong for my spirit, very soon. I only hope this fire is enough to save you. But I will not be there to know, and not knowing was always the needle of irritance under my skin. But it matters not, I don't need my skin...anymore...

Thousands apoun thousands of things I wish to say to you, apologies I need to make in advance , but there is only one thing left that I can say. It would be morally wrong to leave without saying...

"Goodbye, John."...


End file.
